


5:00 A.M light

by Dr_Freeman



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom
Genre: 100 tags on a03 fanfic challenge, 3 am challange <3, GEHEHEHHE, I GOT A WHOLE STORY PLANNED OUT IM SO EXCITED, Im making so many grammar mistakes, M/M, Please also that slowburn 500k yoai tag is ironic please im not going to write the frenrey bible, TW mental illness, alot of headcanons (duh this is a au), art for every chapter (by me <3), benrey and GORDON are both eldritch deities fr?? I got a interesting au explanation fo u i promise, boomer is canon up in this place tho, im bad at writing anything, kind of frenrey by the by, please be gentle im, please red, slowburn for frenrey maybeee ughhhh ? frenrey hasnt even been introduced yet in this fanfic (real), slowburn yoai 500k stupid and gay uh man im having so much fun with these tags, trans gordon :3, uhh i donno what other tags to put i donnoo i donno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:15:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27997347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Freeman/pseuds/Dr_Freeman
Summary: 'Gordon Freeman', a name you would see clipped onto a lab coat of some janked up theoretical physicist. Running home to his silly little level 3 dormitories to get some sleep... Not knowing what is in store for him tomorrow..  Well in-fact you do! Sadly you aren't in this story this is more of a viewer pov ... Does anyone know how to write fanfics ?? Because I certainly don't, welcome to my first fanfic I hope you like the hlvrai au I have made up with my mind. Basically, hl:vrai but the ai are a bit more self aware and serious. GWAHHHAHHAHhh Im not a serious writer this is just for funsie, I wanna write the angst and the love and the everything else... let's see how long I can go fr. No nsfw times in this story never for hlvrai nope by the by. But ill try to write a interesting story i promise. pleas don get mad at me if characters arent like 100000 percent accurate this is a au with alot of headcanons and a different story an stuff fr *cries* ik sum yall picky bout ya's ficsI mix in sum regular half life stuf in here basically i donno leave me alone go away forever actually dont read my fanfic now, my fanfic.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Frenrey - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	1. In a Bitter Syrup

**(TW: Anxiety Medication not working, unorganized room fr, hallucinations from meds, panic attack, gordon thinking outloud, trans scars in picture)**  
Headcanons I wrote with fr: Gordon has real bad anxiety and is kind of a workaholic.

Gordon rushes to his dormitories in a hurry to just plop down in his lovely bed. Today has been a exhausting day for Gordon, especially since he hasn't had much sleep lately. He's been spending all his time researching for black mesa, even off the job where his co workers encourages that mf to just relax.. He gets into more comfortable clothes and lays down on his bed. Gordons Black Mesa Official Level 3 Dormitory, kind of looks like a rat hole, just not in a way you'd expect. It looks like he's been hard at work, papers spread around a desk, a big pile of clothes that gets bigger every time he gets ready for bed and another one for when he gets ready to go to work. Almost like he's struggling to keep up with this job, or maybe too invested. You couldn't really tell if you saw it yourself.  
Maybe there is a pee jug somewhere in there, I won't tell you nope no way.

"Today... I'm just going to relax.. When I'm suppose to be, innn my own little dormitory .. Yeah ! That sounds, normal.." Gordon says to himself laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling, he lifts his hands in the air in looks at them. "hmmm"..

He suddenly shoots up, sitting on his bed.

"Fuckkkk I got that experiment in the Anomalous Materials department tomorrow ughvv, I can't do it.. Should I just cancel it? Pretend I forgot? Maybe just do it and get over with it?" Still talking to himself, he puts his hands on his face and rubs his eyes.

He gets up and goes to the bathroom and looks at himself in the bathroom mirror 'maybe I should shave or something' he randomly thinks fr. Opening up behind the mirror to reveal that it's a mirror cabinet with normal things you would find in a mirror cabinet. Medication and toothpaste, he takes out Melatonin gummies and some form of SSRI medication(anxiety med). The gummies look like there's only a couple left out of 500, I'd guess he's just snacking on them at this point. "Is this even a safe thing to take together..? Do these even still work" He says outloud, funny outloud thought because, certainly he has taken them both together much more than once. He leaves the bathroom taking a safe dose of both but takes one more melatonin gummy for the road. What?? They're strawberry flavored and also fuck brushing teeth all his homies hate brushing teeth. Please don't follow this guys example reader.

He takes the scrunchy out of his hair and puts it on his nightstand, 'scrumchie' he thinks laying down in his bed for the 2th time or whatever. He looks out the Black Mesa Official Window to the slowly darkening dark blue sky as the sun is all the way down and it is just the beginning of night.

He lays there for a second and he shuts his eyes tight.

"what if that experiment goes wrong" He sits up. "I shouldn't be worried about it but I am. Fuck AGHHGV... I should do some research." He says outloud

"But I can't move" He thinks

Being unable to move to reach his desk, he dives into his own thoughts"My co workers say they're all worried about me 'you should just take it easy Gordon you looked like a wreck, did you get any sleep, maybe try keeping the work at work?' yeah well if im not busy this shit happens I indulge in the nightmare of my own mind and I start seeing shit hahhhahhha. What is wrong with me ? Why isn't the shit I took working? What the fuck, I knew i should have went to the clinic when it got worse. What is wrong with me?" he sits there battling with himself in his head.  
  


Looking around the room overwhelmed, seeing hallucinations around him. Gordon stops thinking to take them in, they look like shadows. People watching him, disapproving of him, yelling at him. He can see them, hear them. Even though he's in the dark, even though no one's around. He curls up in a blanket in his bed and lays down fetal position towards the wall. Hoping they go away, his thoughts are a lot less scary when he sees them

_Tonight is going to be a long night._


	2. I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let's meet Bubby and Tommy

Gordon wakes up the next morning due to light shining in his eyes peering in through the windows. "h.huh? shut up light, you're being too bright" He says rubbing his eyes. He walks over to the coffee machine in his room and prepares the mixture and water for it, turning it on. Getting ready for work 'Gordon runs on Gordon time.. Sometimes' he thinks to himself absolutely not knowing the time. He makes himself a cup of coffee and fills that shit up with sugar and cream and walks out of his room into the hallway.

"Hey uh. What the fuck you're- you are late to the, thing"

"w.what?"  
Gordon looks behind him to see a 6 ft tall old man wearing a lab coat with a light blue button up and striped tie //mf bubby fr btw

"Yeah you're late. By thirty minutes" He points aggressively at Gordon

"Oh yeah, I am? Wouldn't that make you late too?"

"NO, I wasn't the one yelling like a damn baby in his dorm all last night keeping the people in the room next to him UP, while they are trying to sleep. I have a good excuse" he says, crossing his arms

"I didn't even know I had someone living in the dorm next to mine", he looks at the man 'how long has he just been waiting here to confront me about last night??' Gordon thinks  
"Welllll I'm gonna go now" Gordon sets off to the tram all the while bubby follows behind him angrily. Gordon feels awkward as fuck, standing on the tram with bubby. Especially when bubby, most likely heard Gordons anxiety attack. OH YEAH bubby is totally fucking snarling at Gordon the whole time Gordon can straight up feel it.

A loud speaker on tram begins "Good morning, and welcome to the Black Mesa transit system. This automated train is provided for the security and convenience of the Black Mesa Research Facility personnel. The time is 8:47 A.M. Current topside temperature is 93 degrees with an estimated high of 105. The Black Mesa compound is maintained at a pleasant 68 degrees at all times. This train is inbound from level 3 dormitories to sector C test labs and control facilities. If your intended destination is a high security area beyond sector C, you will need to return to the central transit hub in area 9 and board a high security train. If you have not yet submitted your identity to the retinal clearance system, you must report to Black Mesa personnel for processing before you will be permitted into the high security branch of the transit system." the longer the message continues, the more upset bubby looks

"So uh? I've never seen you around here, what's your name ?" Gordon asks. He totally has he's just never acknowledged him fr *pensive emoji*

"Mmm- Bubby"

"Is that your real name?"

"Yes, Dr. Bubby. How long is this goddamned train ride or whatever I'm tired of being in the same place with a crybaby."

"Listen man, I'm sorry I didn't even know you were in the room next to me okay!" Gordon tries to explain himself

"hmph" Bubby grunts in reply  
  


"Due to the high toxicity of material routinely handled in the Black Mesa compound, no smoking, eating, or drinking are permitted within the Black Mesa transit system. Please keep your limbs inside the train at all times. Do not attempt to open the doors until the train has come to a complete halt at the station platform. In the event of an emergency, passengers are to remain seated and await further instruction. If it is necessary to exit the train, disabled personnel should be evacuated first. Please, stay away from electrified rails and proceed to an emergency station until assistance arrives." the announcement finishes. (Im not writing the whole transit message bc wtf toolong fr )

Gordon sighs, looks at the coffee he made for himself and takes a sip of it, he gets off the tram arriving with bubby at the Anomalous Materials department, throwing away the coffee conforming to the giant royal breakfast in movies but the kid has to go to school so only takes a bite of toast cliche tsk tsk what a shame gordon that was perfectly good coffee. Either way Gordon smiles, man, that one sip of coffee was just all he needed to feel better about today. Besides there's nothing wrong with showing up to work with a good attitude. The guard opening the airlock to the AMD tries to make small talk with gordon and doesn't even care about the coffee, most likely because they are guilty of it themselves, but gordon isn't paying attention very well and just nods in response and walks into a main signin room type area with another guard behind a desk with a computer (also oh god watch me try to map out black mesa in words just watch me it gon be like KJBJHVSOUJKm)

"Hey, Mr. Freeman. I had a bunch of messages for you, but we had a system crash about 20 minutes ago, and I'm still tryin to find my files. Just one of those days, I guess. They were havin some problems down in the test chamber, too, but I think that's all straightened out. They told me to make sure you headed down there as soon as you got into your hazard suit." The guard tells Gordon

"I love doing this, everyday" Bubby Goes behind the desk and presses a button which sets off a security alarm which creates loud siren noises.

"Hey, stop that! Come on, Gordon, are you trying to get me into trouble?"

"WH?WHAT? I DIDN'T EVEN DO THAT?" Gordon says slightly panicked. "I know, he says that every time I do that, my name isn't even Gordon whoever that asshole is. " Bubby adds. Gordon glances up at Bubby and heads into the complex. Walking down the hall to get to the locker rooms they meet another scientist wearing an oversized lab coat and a pastel yellow button up

"Hello?" The scientist greets

"Hello." Gordon responds

"Annd this is the part I'm gonna walk ahead" Bubby adds, walking ahead and away , almost quickly. Gordon and the scientist watch Bubby walk away

"I'm new!!!"

"You're new here ??? Me too, kind of? I'm not around here a lot." Gordon says to him

"What's your name?!"

"Gordon Freeman, uhmm where are you suppose to be? What department are you in? Do you need help? Are you headed to the break room?" Gordon says with readiness to help out, kind of.

"Yeah !! My name is Tommy ! " Tommy smiles at him "I like to read the billboards in there, :) Follow me?" Tommy says leading Gordon to the break room, which is a room with a couple of tables and the billboard with a few scientist chillin around. Gordon examines the billboard, but it looks like some low graphic video game textures "Is this what you're talking about Tommy? The billboards?" Gordon asks. "Yeah! Tell me what it says!" Tommy says happily. Gordon takes his best look at it but nothing helps the papers clipped onto the billboard doesn't have any readable text on it. "Okay yeah, I uh don't know either man. Can you read it?" Gordon asks Tommy. Tommy pauses for a second taking a second glance at this fucking billboard

"I’m trying, but it’s very- I- the person who printed all these papers really fucked up!" Tommy exclaims

"I think they used like 1 DPI. You know how a printer works? Like dots per inch? I don’t think they got any- like the right amount of dots. I can’t read any of this. What do you make of that?" Gordon asks him

"I don't know"

"I don’t either. Listen. I’m gonna- I’ll- You gonna stay here?" Gordon asks, ready to go get his test started, but feels a bit bad just leaving Tommy around here all by himself. Tommy pauses for a second processing the question. "Yeah, I’m on lunch break." Tommy says. "ahhha okay Tommy I'll catch you later alright?!" Gordon says to him walking away into the hall to get to the locker rooms. "I DRINK SODA FOR LUNCH" Tommy yells loud enough for Gordon to hear as a goodbye.

"Hah, apparently, he drinks soda for lunch. What a freak. What the fuck was that. What the hell was that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! i used some dialogue from hlvrai ! especially at the end :3. the transit messages and some things the guard says are from halflife! I hope you like this chapter ! Expect chapter 3 tomorrow !!


	3. INTERMISSION FR

WHOOPS I TOOK A NAP AND THEN I WANTED TO ANIMATE AND THEN I UH, OH MAN ILL GET A NEW CHAPTER OUT EVENTUALLY I WANNA DO ART AND IM MAKIN A ANIMATIC I GOTTA LOTTA WORK WTH, I hope you like STUF SO FAR WAHHHH///


	4. Community Gardens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there is no actual community gardens in the chapter its just taht you should listen to community gardens - the scary jokes

(TW: Benrey getting in gordons personal space causing him to panic kind of fr pensive emoji)

(mf rewriting through xen crystal intro the characters, whatever speedrun *rubs mf hands together* don worry it gets more interesting i promise, wathc me summerize interactions n shid i donno how to write kKNSJ I make benrey be introduced as benrey earlier bc i h8 calling him shadowy security guard wtf. pensive emoji irl)

Gordon walks into the locker room and meets a older man a lot shorter than him "Hey there Mr. Coomer!" Gordon says smiling at him. He seems to already be acquainted with Dr Coomer, who, as it goes, wears a green button up and tie. Yknow, a scientist ! I'm certain if you're reading this you have been tastefully indulged within the hlvrai fandom, for a longgg ass while now that's for sure. anywayz ily. 

"Ah, Hello there Gordon !" Coomer smiles back at him. 

"How are you today?" Gordon asks him Dr. Coomer in a kind manner

"Mm, another day, another dollar, yup !"

"Yes, yes another day another dollar, something we usually say here alot at Black Mesa... Big day ahead of me.. Do we really have to do this. yknow, crystal thing ? Today ? I mean,, yknow ? Do I really have to be the one to do it? Can't we get someone else?" Gordon says hopeful that maybe he doesn't have to be the one to put on a hev suit and go into a radioactive chamber that may or may not kill him.

"Sadly, yes. No worries at all Gordon, We have been testing the chamber for months. If you are anxious about getting injured... If you want to change your job position you will just have to do it after the test!" Dr Coomer answers "Now go put you HEV suit on and good luck in the chamber!"

" 'you will just have to do it after the test' " Gordon thinks of what Dr Coomer says. slightly frowning, he goes to put the Hev suit on in a room nearby coming out Dr Coomer is no where to be found. He heads down a hall way out of the locker room to get to the testing chamber 'Shit, where was it?' he thinks to himself navigating the hall, he makes his way passing a two security guards "Howdy! Hey! How's everyone doing today" he greets as one of the security guards open a gate. One of the other security guard comes up behind gordon. This security guard looks exactly like the other one except it would seem they possess a eerie, constant shadow covering horizontally half of their face. 

"Hey"

Gordon turns around slightly surprised and panicked looking at the shadowy security guard "Yyeah? Did I do something wrong, sir ?"

"Yeah, can I see your passport"

"My passport?? Like the ones you use for airplanes? Or? Do you mean my company id-"

"he doesn't have his passport" The shadowy security guard whispers in the others ear. "Yeah, he is really telling me to not let you in here, you might want to back up I think he's angry. I might have to protect you even" he says, the regular security guard just stands there with a blank expression

"What? I've never had to use a passport in here before man?! If you want my company ID I left it at my dorm, everyone basically knows me I don't really need to carry it around- look I'm wearing the fucking black mesa hev suit- the company suit"

"I'm so sorry- He's so angry he's clenching, I'm going to have to follow you around and protect him from you. Hold on, hold on I have too" the shadowy security guard opens his mouth and shoots out cyanish balls into the other ones mouth. 

Gordon stares slightly,//no/ absolutely flabbergasted "HAh What was that ???? What the fu-"

"That's how we calm each other down, the black mesa sweet voice"

"Okay you just- blow balls into his mouth???" Gordon says putting a hand on his own forehead "Listen man I have a very important, and stressful job to do and I want to get it over with, so can I just, go???" He asks

"I'm going to have to come with you, I need to see your passport" 

"Hhahh we'll find it okay? I'm certain we can find something to make you both happy,, kind of scared of him though"

"Yeah well you know what? He's never happy." .The regular guard mumbles something, causing the shadowy one to shoot more black mesa sweet voice ball at him 

"Okay. uh- can I go?" Gordon says stressed

"Okay. Go ahead" The shadowy security guard replies

They continue to walk through black mesa to get to the testing chambers. 'Should I make small talk or something?' Gordon thinks to himself sweating as the shadowy guard walks in front of him. "Ah, Black Mesa is a pretty strange place isn't it? Do you know where we're going? You seem pretty much in lead man. You know, where we are going has a shit ton of radiation in it. Right? Uhm hmm what's your name "

The shadowy security guard turns around and looks at Gordon "BENREY! And It's okay, I'm-I'm not human. Let's go." 

Gordon and benrey come to a part of the hall where it ends on a elevator to get to a lower elevation where the testing chamber is, Gordon reaches for the elevator buttons, wondering which one should push mf not sure how far down this test chamber is fr. 

"I don't think you know where you're going, I don't think you know where you're going" Benrey says getting up in Gordons face making gordon walk back into the corner between the elevator buttons and the wall (ykno, mf, scenery, mind picture idk you watched hlvrai) 

"Hey, geez man, back off, personal fucking bubble okay? Where else would we need to go besides the elevator" Gordon says getting anxious when Benrey approaches. 

"Why don't you have your passport? Are you trying to steal? Why don't you-"

"Man I'm in my fucking, HEV SUIT BRO LOOK! I've never even had a security guard even ASK ME about a passport, this actually makes me kind of suspicious a-about YOU" Gordon says to him

"Why are you shaking? You wouldn't be shaking if you had your passport." Benrey says looking at Gordon, who is actually shaking, Gordon hadn't noticed it himself, but he really is. "Are you nervous?" Benrey asks. 

"hahahh I don't know why I'm shaking man you're pushing me into this corner wall thing, I'm perfect okay, I'm normal, I'm fine, I don't know why I'm shaking. Listen I'm just gonna press this button and we're going to go down to the test chamber, I need to do my job, okay?

"I'm going to have to follow you" Benrey says blocking the door of the elevator 

"OKAY I GOT THAT IVE COME TO TERMS WITH THAT, I'VE ACCEPTED IT! I need you to move out of my way so we can- listen man I'm really not good at squeezing past people, I'm a big guy yknow?? I can't get past you standing right there"

"Why are you yelling at me, you need to show me your passport, it will tell me if you're nice or not. Everyone is afraid of you"

Gordon snorts "Who is afraid of me?? What???"

"There's like, 5 people probably. Did you talk to Tommy? Tommy likes mean people, that's why he talked to you" 

"Jeez okay alright, I don't care, okay? Just step aside- thank you" Gordon says as Benrey finally moves to let him on the elevator and they ride down. Gordon finds himself in another situation where is has to ride a contraption with a slightly aggressive/persistant person "Euggvh, this is the worst day ever" Gordon thinks to himself. Benrey and Gordon stand by each other for a couple of seconds of silence until they reach near the bottom of the elevator shaft. They both look down at the open hallway. "if you jump down it will be faster." Benrey says climbing over the safety railing and landing on the hall. 

Gordon watches benrey nail the landing "Hey uh- ph man.. Woowww huh.." Starstruck, without thinking that his legs could break Gordon does the same. And falls on his face but it totally saved 4 seconds. and he's totally fine <3

Benrey looks down on Gordon "Huh? He actually did that?" Benrey thinks to himself and helps Gordon up


End file.
